The Long Autumn Of John McCain

It’s not an easy job being John McCain these days. After all, the country did not give him the presidency he
deserved back in 2008 and, ever since, all he’s been able to do is fuss and
fume through his 45,978,700 television interviews, and hang out with Huckleberry
Butchmeup and Kelly Ayotte, the Metternich of Manchester so they all can play
War Hawk together and dream of bombings yet to come. Even now, when he likely
will ascend to the chairmanship of the Senate Armed Services Committee, which
is just as important an office as being president, as we know, and just you
watch, he is mocked by the lesser orders for announcing his intention to create a “Shadow War Cabinet” to run the wars declared by the Republic Of John McCain’s

Last week, John McCain, the Senate’s
Obama critic-in-chief on foreign policy matters, said he’s putting together
what amounts to a Shadow War Cabinet. “[Sen.] Richard Burr [R-N.C.] will
be chairman of the Intelligence Committee,” the Arizona Republican said.
“And we’ve already had discussions about working closer together.”
The Senate’s “maverick” is poised to chair the Armed Services
Committee. He said he’s has had similar talks with Sen. Bob Corker, R-Tenn.,
and Sen. Ron Johnson, R-Wis., who are expected to chair the chamber’s Foreign
Relations and Homeland Security-Governmental Affairs committees, respectively.
“What I think all of us, on an equal basis, want is to coordinate our
efforts toward common goals,” McCain said. McCain also wants Sen. Lindsey
Graham, R-S.C., always a player on national security matters, included in the
Shadow War Cabinet.

And Huckleberry likely will make the
iced tea on hot days when they all have to meet on the veranda, and I hear that
Ikea’s going to have a Black Friday sale on fainting couches.

McCain’s foreign policy group won’t
be able to completely derail Obama’s efforts. But it can hold up his nominees,
slap restrictions on his plans via provisions in policy and spending bills, and
make a whole lot of noise in hearings. Its first target? Obama’s strategy for
fighting the Islamic State group. McCain says his group will “demand”
a clear plan from Obama to defeat the violent Sunni group. “Right now,
there is no strategy. And if there is, no one has told me about it,”
McCain said. “So we’re going to force, or do everything in our power to
see that there is a strategy and that strategy is adequately staffed, in force
levels and actions, to achieve the president’s stated goal, which is the
degradation and defeat of [the Islamic State group].”

Holy Jesus H. Christ on an Abrams,
he thinks it’s 1940 and he’s fking Churchill, waiting for the government to

And even with this, even with him
inviting all his best buds over to cosplay Being President, he still has some
problems with The Base, and, oh my heavenly tundra, what amazing problems they are.

At the top of their list of potential
targets are politicians like Senator John McCain of Arizona, a proponent of an
immigration overhaul. Their fantasy candidate: Sarah Palin, Mr. McCain’s former
running mate, who now spends much of the year at her home in Scottsdale, Ariz.
Two prominent conservative activists, who spoke anonymously to reveal private
discussions, said leading Tea Party figures planned to reach out to Ms. Palin
to see if she was interested in running against Mr. McCain.

As opposed to Mr. Bogg, I know that baby Jeebus is my best amigo so, please, baby
Jeebus, this is all I want for Your birthday, and for mine, which is right
after Yours. We’re both Capricorns — so give a brother a break.

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